The first part is to acknowledge that a conflict exists. Sometimes, the tension builds and you may realize that there is a problem, but no one may have addressed the elephant in the room. Once you acknowledge that there is a conflict, you can make plans to resolve the issue.
The next thing is to find time to have a private meeting with the person with whom the conflict exists. It can be a phone call or an in-person meeting, but what I like to do is either call or e-mail the person and tell them that I'd like to hear their thoughts on something, and tell them that I would like to discuss it with them. I ask if they have time to schedule a meeting or phone conversation. Sometimes, during this stage, they try to press me about the specifics of the issue. I just gently let them know that I can't get into the details right this second, but ask again if we can schedule some time to talk. That way, we can plan a time when both of us can give it our full attention. People like to be needed, and most people will agree to give me a few minutes.
At the agreed upon time, I thank the person for agreeing to meet with me and tell them that I value their advice. Then, I open the conversation. I try to keep things neutral. I may say something like, "I have been thinking about Project (fill in the blank) and I was wondering how you felt about how it's going. I want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible for everyone. If there are any challenges, I'd like to her your perspective." Generally, they will open up a dialog about the project. My goal in this is to listen. I just listen. When they pause, I don't rush to fill the pause with talking, I say something like, "go on" or "tell me more". Sometimes, this can be uncomfortable. Sometimes, they say things that cause me some distress. My goal in this part is not to resolve anything or disagree about anything, but just to hear them out. I have found that sometimes, people need to vent. They need to express the things they have been thinking but may not have mentioned before.
Once it's all out on the table, and I make sure they have communicated everything that they want, I recap what they have just told me. "I just want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly, did you say that you believe (blank) is a problem." If they confirm, then I tell them that I want to take a day or two to think about their challenges and see if I can set up an appointment to talk with them in two days. This allows me time to digest their concerns and consider a solution that we may both be happy with. Sometimes, taking this time also allows me time to remove all of the emotions from the situation and evaluate it logically.
I try to find areas that we have in common. These are the golden nuggets of the conversation. So, in the next meeting, I start with those. "What I heard is that you are concerned about these three things. I want us to be able to work together professionally on these, so I have considered some ways that we can get back on track." Then, I tell them the parts we agree upon. "So, you and I agree that x, y, and z should happen. That's a great starting point. Now, let's talk about resolutions for the other pieces. Do you have any suggestions for resolution on (pick a specific topic)." This allows them to give their input. Once they tell you their suggestions, you can say, "I have some ideas, also. Would you like to hear them?" and then tell them the resolutions you've researched. Then, you toss around the ideas, adapting them to one another's needs, until you find the best possible solution for the circumstances. It's ok if neither of you get everything you want, in fact, it's best that way. Try to find a way to peacefully meet in the middle.
What I have learned in my career is that it's best to bring three solutions to the table for every problem. If the other person also brings three solutions, then you have six items to discuss which can be merged to create the best solution to please everyone. On a scale of 1-10, if they are at a 2 and you are at an 8, the goal is to meet somewhere between 4-6. Neither party gets everything, but neither loses everything, either. These negotiations have proven to be a winning solution for my career. How do you manage conflicts?
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